HeartPsychic

So, um.......

2011-09-06T22:47:00.003-04:00

Hi.

Yes, it's been a looong frakkin' time. Lots of family drama, which has calmed down; we're now an English half-hour with amusing anecdotes, rather than MacBeth.

Did I tell you the dominoes were starting to fall? Was I right? How do you like the weather, eh?

No, not your usual post tonight.

So, I can promise you weekly posts, starting.......now. Tonight. I haven't yet figured out yet what the best night is for me to post, but that will be the night.

In the meantime, start washing your hands every time you come in from your errands. Take your vitamins (especially C). Hydrate. You know the drill.

Prices will change this week; I'm initiating a real blogroll; and a post tomorrow, about Archangel Michael. Not that Wednesdays will be Post Day.

with love,

Duffi

PS. I am still really tired from the Drama.

looking around

2010-07-01T00:10:00.003-04:00

such an odd summer. So dry outside, after the Winter of 8-foot Drifts (no kidding, I have the pics to prove it!).

I find myself full of gratitude, these days. The simple pleasures. Even just breathing out and breathing in. (Why do I hear Maurice Chevalier when I say that?)

It may continue to be a very tough summer. But we don't have to be reactive. By staying grounded in our own places, doing our own thing(s), we can increase the stability around us.

Be well, breathe deep.

Upcoming.........

2010-06-25T21:44:00.003-04:00

Take a deep breath, people. No, deeper than that. Aaaaaand - release.

We're in for a very bumpy ride.

The catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico is only the beginning. The dominoes are beginning to fall.

Those of you who follow this blog know I strive to be positive. Not dorky-smilyface-it'sFine! positive, but a grateful approach to the daily world.

My attitude doesn't cut into this. Think butterknife on a squash. No dent at all.

This is not about the personal, either. This is global.

So in light of this (and mutterings of doom are everywhere these days, aren't they?), what can you do for yourself?

If you have a creative practice, spend as much time as possible doing it. Music, art, theatre, dancing. It's your throughline in difficult times.

Eat as well as you can. Exercise. Meditate. Do your best to take good care of your physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual selves.

Look for small opportunities to do good. Open the door. Smile and say hi to the checker. Pick something off the floor for someone who dropped it. All those small acts which feel like too much, sometimes, but which add up.

If you can, look for larger opportunities, too. It's better for you if you can actually do something rather than write a check. But! Write that check, if that's your life right now.

Be where you are. Love the people you love. Hold hands. Send cards. Talk to Mom (or Dad, or annoying Auntie Whomever).

For those of you who pray, pray. Don't ask for anything: just be with Her/Him/Them/It.

Let's encourage each other through this.

where to begin....

2010-05-02T14:02:00.002-04:00

My father died.

I'm handling all the fallout: paperwork, bills, the will, etc. Which is why you haven't seen me in a while.

I'm returning to regular blogging as of this post. I am not sure what "regular" will be yet.

You can expect, this week, a schedule, and a blog about my beliefs: nothing like death to bring one back to basics.

Be well!

going away

2010-01-23T19:06:00.003-05:00

Hi all --

I've been following my father's declining health from afar for much of 2010 (which is why I've been so absent from this home of mine), and I'm leaving to go see him and deal with medical and legal details tomorrow.

I hope to be back to regular blogging soon.

May blessings continue to be yours!

Duffi

Please contribute to Haitian relief at www.hopeforhaitinow.org. $53M US so far and still counting. Our neighbors need us.

Blue Moon!

2009-12-31T11:03:00.002-05:00

This is a very powerful Moon! Ask for what you want, and prepare to receive! (Yes, too many exclamation points, I know.) Be as specific as you can. Get outside - here in the MidAtlantic of the US it's frakkin' COLD, but I'll be outside, even if for a tiny minute - and rejoice in what you have. Then ASK! and see it as already happened.

And be grateful.

aw crap

2009-12-22T23:03:00.003-05:00

more cancer.

Yes, it's a time of joy and presents. My area just got a veritable dumptruck of snow, and it looks really gorgeous outside. DD and I finished our tree last week, and it's beautiful! I've got a tiny part-time job, which will end this week (and yes, I like working, it makes me happy). My favorite rocker is home with his loved ones, enjoying (I trust) the holidays and the time away from the road.

But.

My prayer list is full of newly-diagnosed cancers. (I belong to an online Buddhist community which maintains a prayer list.) The writer of one of the newsletters I read just got a diagnosis of leukemia. Suddenly, I'm surrounded -- again.

Those of you who know me personally know this story in all its particulars. The very brief version, for my new friends, is that between July of 1998 and March of 1999, my family lost: my mother, my mother-in-law, my stepmother, and my mother's brother, all to various forms of cancer -- initial diagnoses, metastases, and brand-new versions of something thought cured.

So we (DH and I) were stunned into stupor; and I became sensitized to cancer. Now I can see it, when it's about to manifest in the body, and sometimes as it metastasizes. It's a very small portion of my practice.

And whenever I am surrounded again, as I am now, I shrink in dread. Is it happening again?

Time for me to ground into the daily: do dishes, vacuum; and meditate. Back to the middle, to balance. Recognizing that life is a roller-coaster, and what I control is my reaction.

more! more!

2009-12-11T13:50:00.004-05:00

Hello all,

As the year winds down and the new year winds up I'll be posting more frequently. There's a lot stirring in the cosmic soup!

In Moon traditions the New Year begins this next New Moon. This is the 13th lunation of 13, and the first lunation of 12. I find myself very excited to switch calendars and start with the first lunation. I feel like this is an exciting year coming up, with lots of AFGOs* and much joy, both expected and unexpected.

This is a great time to get a Year Reading, setting out patterns for the year and pointing to places in yourself where you want to work and want to play. I will be offering Year Readings for $55, if you book by December 31st at 12noon EDT (December 31st,this year,is the Full Moon (and how cool is that?)).

Spend some time these next few days thinking about the year past: what would you like to release? What would you like to keep? In the day before the New Moon, which is December 15th, starting gathering thoughts and feelings about what you want to manifest this coming year.

And, as always, do that which gives you joy: outdoor time, breathing, dancing, playing. Be especially with music at this time. Not just the Christmas music, but the music that calls forth your deepest self. The Deeper Self likes to play, too, and for me sometimes REALLY LOUD rock music brings me out.

Dance and play!

*AFGO: from an acupuncturist that I used to see: Another Fucking Growth Opportunity. An event, series of events, or a person; difficulties from which growth comes.

the rollercoast

2009-12-05T14:17:00.002-05:00

Hello all,

The David Cook concert was cancelled! Waah! OK, I'm over the disappointment. I believe that the Universe will give me the opportunity when it's time. Cook tweets a lot -- yes, I'm on twitter, as duffimac -- so it still feels to me like he's "around." So it's fine.

I'm working more, and the readings leave me feeling blissed out. There's nothing, for me, like doing what I'm supposed to do. Bringing through that information and passing it on -- that's part of why I'm here this go-round.

The bliss also gives me energy to do housework. How weird! But delightful.

And to top it all off, it's snowing! Totally beautiful outside.

Um, so yeah.... (redux)

2009-12-01T00:21:00.002-05:00

The best thing recently was the HBO broadcast of the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame 25th anniversary shindig at Madison Square Garden. We almost went, but I decided not to push it (money issues). There were some great highlights, and those of you with access to HBO owe it to yourselves to see it. I thoroughly enjoyed Metallica's set, even though their guests really didn't gell well with them, not even Ozzy. I haven't seen Springsteen's set, so I can't say what's best yet; but Bono & U2 reminded me again why I love rock so: they believe. The words are theirs, the sentiment is theirs, and they are using the music to communicate. "Liberation," indeed.

Just watch it.

Speaking of rock, Wednesday I have the great pleasure of attending David Cook's tour-ending show. I am so looking forward to this. Frequent readers of this blog know that I'm a fan, and haven't been able to make any other tour dates. (The Birchmere show sold out in less than an hour. I found out about it 5 hours after it had been announced. You do the math.) There are four other acts performing, but for me, it's all about Cook and his band. Of course, I'll report back. And the show's on the full Moon!

Other than that, life continues to continue. I'm working, preparing for the holidays, thinking deep thoughts.

Be well......

um, so, yeah.....

2009-11-12T22:28:00.002-05:00

again with the two weeks of not posting.

Ramp up to trip to Cambridge to see BFF/long weekend in Cambridge (walking, talking, eating, napping: repeat until she puts me on the plane, & I don't wanna come home!); cool down from trip to Cambridge. Home to all the usual.

Not that the usual is bad or nuthin'. I'm blessed, really: roof over my head (and no leaks, no water issues!), food on the table, bills paid, beloved husband-and-daughter.

Spiralling down to the end of this Moon. Looking forward to the New Moon.

I really have nothing to say except to wave and say "Hi! Yes, I'm back! and I'll have thoughts and feelings and perceptions to share. Just as soon as those feet decide to come back under me, I swear, I will."

Hallowe'en Special!

2009-10-30T15:24:00.004-04:00

Hi all! I'm feeling really well, and I want to celebrate!

So I'm offering a ten-minute internet reading for $11!

It's remarkable how much information I receive in a short space of time. My readings tend to be really compact, with a lot of information coming through in a short space of time.

How does an internet reading work? You send me, via heartpsychic8@aol.com, your question. After you've send your payment via paypal, I spend 10 minutes accessing guidance for you. I send it off to you, and you have one follow-up question available.

This special is available from now (October 30, 2009, 3:30pm) until November 3, 2009, at 3:30pm.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Edited to add: Oy, misspellings. That's what happens when I do things too quickly. I apologize....

a quick update

2009-10-27T22:55:00.002-04:00

My daughter has the flu; "high likelihood," according to her pediatrician, that it's H1N1. Of course, I'm starting to come down with it too. I felt that little shift late this afternoon that indicates that my immune system is trying to fight something off. So I'm throwing everything at it: homeopathics, herbs, vitamins, and boatloads of liquids.

A long way of saying that I won't be posting tomorrow. I'll be up against the virus.

Daughter's starting to shift out of it.

personal stuff

2009-10-21T21:42:00.002-04:00

Coming into all this quiet has had many effects:

I am realizing exactly how hard my daughter is floundering in school. Her grades are nowhere reflective of her potential. So many upcoming meetings with school counselors and teachers.

I'm hearing more from the Universe, both people within who only contact me on the etheric, and some of the manifestations of the One.

Dh's work is very intense right now; since I'm quiet, I have space to notice. There will be many more months, perhaps years, of this, since some of the work he does is highly useful to people in Congress.

I'm also much, much more aware of the season, and what's happening within it. We're having a short, warm burst right now, after almost a week of rain. The silver maple is dropping leaves. Alas, one of our pines looks like it's dying, and I'm wondering when I should have it cut down. Since it's one of the house guardians, I need to be very thoughtful. The yew bushes, also house guardians, need serious last-time-before-spring pruning. I do want to move the jonquils before too long, and plant some more bulbs for Spring.

I'm working with a nutritionist on my diet. Lots of greens in my future.

My commitment to you, my readers, is a weekly post (more if I am so moved). So Wednesday is the day you can expect to hear from me.

Be well in the slowing season.

finally!

2009-10-14T22:52:00.002-04:00

Having spiraled out (headaches, headaches, finally a migraine and then a recovery), I'm spiralling back in. I've heard a whisper, and felt a shifting in the etheric surround. I'm definitely starting to come back to myself: my deeper/higher Self, my central Self, my core.

Which means I can be of more service to you, my dears. I can hear better, so I can translate better. I can bring you News.

The rumblings are that this New Moon will blow the socks off most of the last few. We're emerging from the shadow of Mercury retrograde. As you continue to walk your own personal tightrope, mirrored so well in the culture around us, ask yourself: what is my dearest wish? What would I create with the deeper energies that are bubbling up? And how does my dream serve the larger cause of Balance (because it does)?

Breathe deeply, and lie in your bed as you go to sleep. Ask yourself these questions. Track your dreams, and you'll find an answer (or a multiplicity).

One of my dearest wishes is to teach others how to access the guidance that is available to all of us. Yes, I've got a gift, but/and all of us do. We can each use our dominant sense (or group of senses) to track what's being communicated. It's my intention to use some of my quiet time during this Winter to figure this out, and pass it on.

Be well, my dears!

4 days; & a reflection on healing vibes/prayer/distant healing work

2009-10-05T22:30:00.002-04:00

Four more days at the job means four days closer to more rest; exercise; and helping my dear daughter with high school; four days closer to some sleeping in; four days closer to working with Spirit on some house and self projects; four days closer to some serious visioning work on the next adventure. Four business days and I'm out.

Of course, I'll go in during the December sale if they need me to pinch-hit. But nothing substantial, long-term, or involved.

I sent a message earlier tonight to a person I know, promising "healing vibes." In all the time I spent in the car this evening, schlepping DD back and forth to choir practice, I started thinking about the difference between "healing vibes," prayer, and the distant healing work I do.

"Healing vibes" can run the gamut between holding a good thought for a person's healing, for just a moment, to serious visualization of the best that healing can hold for that individual. I've been known to hold my hands up to the computer, close my eyes, and allow the energy in my hands to flow "towards" that person. It's always with the intention that the energy be used for that person's highest good ("healing" doesn't mean "curing" (another whole topic for another time)). "Healing vibes" are short-term, I think by definition.

Prayer supposes a Being who can help, in most Western traditions; and asks for help for an individual from that Being. Quakers hold the individual being prayed for "in the Light." Prayer is intentional, can be practiced for a moment or over long periods of time, and is assumed to help. It's my experience that prayer can slide off a person, and be used by another, if the person isn't open to prayer or can't use the energy.

The distant healing work that I, and others like me, do is intentional, sure. But it has to be asked for, or at least discussed, either verbally or in writing, with the person for whom/with whom the work is done. It's a serious ethical violation, in my view, to work on someone without their permission; at issue here is the individual's ability to determine what is done to them. If you assume, as I do, that the work is real, then it's similar to doing something for that person that the person hasn't asked for. How do I know that you want your knee worked on, but I must not touch your ankle, unless we've talked before I start? I can sense your digestive issue, sure, but do you want me to touch that? So I never, ever work on someone without a prior discussion. And like all my work, it's strictly confidential.

So: "healing vibes" are harmless, at best, and possibly quite useful. Prayer is similar (though it's basic assumption is very different). Distant healing work? Only with permission; and very useful, both in the short and long term. I have, for example, a blanket permission to work on my sister. But she's the only one.

More later, my dears. Rest, and be well.

Hi all

2009-09-24T23:42:00.002-04:00

Today I quit my job. Gave the store two weeks' notice. I believe passionately in the mission of the place, but I feel that the changes that seem to me to be absolutely necessary there won't take place. Rather than throw myself against the wall, in the hopes that I'll soften it, I choose to walk away.

There's some pain involved, but mostly I feel lighter and happier. I'm clear that I made the right choice for me.

This will give me more time (while I'm looking for my next job) to do all sorts of things, including post more frequently here. I love this blog, and I want to sharing what I have more often.

My last day is October 9th.

a fond hello

2009-09-18T19:44:00.004-04:00

...to all of you who follow this blog. Very tough times at work -- no surfing here! rather, trying hard to swim and not to drown -- have captured almost my complete attention.

This New Moon is supposed to initiate a very productive cycle. I'm not feeling it, but I trust my sources. Whaty I'm feeling dovetails most closely with what Karen is saying over at emergingearthangels.com: A profound and sudden separation from people that up until very recently I valued highly. A sense of being in another place. An opening of an abyss of knowledge below me: looking at new depths. Not depressive depths, but a deeper understanding both of my own character and some of the mechanics of relationships and of my daily life. So I'm not depressed (though I am exhausted!); I'm...I don't have a word. Or words. But I'm OK.

Be well, my dears, and I'll see you soon.

Edited to add: This separation is NOT from my internet friends. It's about people that I work with, and some family.

upcoming

2009-09-11T21:23:00.001-04:00

....a long, cold, hard winter. Thus says Guidance, which is right most of the time.

Let's see how they do with weather. But I'm really feeling this.

breathe...

2009-09-11T00:15:00.002-04:00

she said to herself. Or, I said to myself.

Today was one tough, tough day at work. I'm really destabilized and in need of deep grounding.

And yet, everything is unfolding in just the way it should.

a bit from me; more from Guidance

2009-09-08T21:33:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is a big day. 9/9/09 -- not just the numbers, resonant in themselves, but the completion of one big cycle; which also (always) means, the the start of another one.

Guidance says: "This is BIG, people! Listen up! Be careful of your words, for they fly like butterflies or daggers from your mouths. Be clear about what you want, because verily it will come to you. Let your minds stretch, and your hearts stretch wider. Whatever is, is; and whatever you can let into your bigger heartminds will nestle in and be safe. Provide safety, both for yourselves and for others. Those that can hear, will hear; and those that can't, are more porous than they know; something of this will trickle in regardless, and nourish that seed sequested in the bottom of the heart."

And if your day is quiet? Rejoice, for you're in your proper space.

Be well, my dears.....

Mercury retrograde

2009-09-07T20:02:00.002-04:00

yup, we're beyond the shadow, we're wading in, and it sucks already.

Communication is going to suck. Just suck. So be careful what you say and who you say it to. This retrograde is in Libra, which means that it's partially about relationships. Who do you love? What does it mean to you, to love them? And how can you keep things even when you have to examine every word that comes out of your mouth?

For those of us who speak impulsively (i.e., me) it's going to be very interesting.

I suspect there will be more computer problems than phone problems.

Be careful out there, my dears.............

a very soft Moon

2009-09-03T15:59:00.004-04:00

..is what I'm feeling. Tomorrow morning is the moment of Full Moon (11am EST) so any outdoor work you want to do should happen tonight.

Be well, be happy. Enjoy what you have. Be in themoment. Look up and rejoice! for there's beautiful silvery light coming down upon you.

roiling

2009-08-31T23:32:00.002-04:00

Yup, there really is chaos out there. Be sure to read this:

http://hermes3.net/sep109.htm

where Dan Furst gives a preview of the coming month (and months), with precision and kindness,

and this:

http://lorian.org/davidspage.html#gpm1_2 (thanks again to Dan Furst for the link)

I have sensed for some time a crunching, contracting feeling out in the world. I thought it was either my projection of some internal chaos, or my fear of the effects of climate change. I was reassured when I read the Spangler (link two) and I feel better knowing that there is an attitude I can take that will help the waters become calmer.

My job is to continue posting, pointing out what's helpful. Do readings as I'm called upon. And love: individuals, attitudes, places in the world. Be available to love with an open heart: my own Grail Field, available to those who ask for it.

Do what makes you feel better that is healthy for you. Water, good food, doing your work in the world -- whatever that is -- and loving those around you. Be connected to your body and the natural world.

Learn to surf the waves of internal shifting, and prepare yourself for continuing external change.

back from the Outer Banks

2009-08-24T23:51:00.002-04:00

and completely re-enthralled with the beach: the ocean, the wind, the smell of salt water, the bird life, the heat of the sun.

I need to get back to Mama Ocean on a regular basis.

Just a very quick check-in to say hello. The energies feel a bit thick around the ankles, needing flow. Be very gentle with yourselves (if this is possible for you).

Be well, and there'll be more anon.

on the Outer Banks

2009-08-21T23:12:00.002-04:00

and getting bugged by guidance to say: big destiny point in the next few days. A good time to get a reading, do your Tarot, consult your astrologer, or whatever else you do to give yourself a sense of the future. It's also an important time to keep your intentions clear and your ethics at their highest level. What you do now will set the tone for the next few weeks, and possibly into the next few months.

Open your heart to your spiritual Source. Allow your compassion for your fellow beings to grow. We share the planet, and this dimension of the multiverse. Let's be companionable.

And enjoy yourself! Let your joy be your guide as you navigate the glorious swirling chaos.

PS. Using a laptop not my own. Changing fonts, etc.. just not possible. Apologies.

sorta-kinda on hiatus

2009-08-13T00:37:00.003-04:00

Things have been nuts (BFF is giving me grief for not calling her; like that) and I've neglected to stay in touch with the Universal Energies and all the glories thereof.

I'm going out of town in less than a week and need to start prepping for that. Thank Goddess, I'll be spending some time at the beach (Outer Banks of North Carolina); I have a picture in my head of me on the beach with my feet firmly planted in the water and the wind in my hair.

I need that so badly.

So I may or may not post before we leave. Do expect to hear from me the last week in August. Fall is going to be.....major. I'm certain.

In the meantime, be well, dear souls. And I do check heartpsychic8@aol.com regularly, if you want to talk.

quickly, from work.........

2009-08-05T12:30:00.002-04:00

I'm on the run but/and it feels really important to post this now.

Tonight's Moon energy is really rich, full, and very lively. No matter where you are or what you're doing, you should try to pull this energy down to you so you can fill yourself with it's richness.

Get grounded and centered, and open your crown chakra. Imagine a tube going up from your crown to the Moon. Ask permission to fill yourself with her energy; then imagine it coming down the tube, and filling your crown chakra with silvery Moonlight. Allow this energy to spill over and fill your whole being. (Take your time! This can feel delicious.) Allow the energy to fountain out through your hands and feet. When you feel complete, thank the Moon, and allow the tube to dissipate, and close your crown chakra.

This is the quick explanation. I'll post a more complete explanation later. In the meantime, know that you can't get this wrong. And this energy will serve you and your larger purposes.

Enjoy!

just a quick note

2009-08-05T00:19:00.002-04:00

before I try to get some sleep (getting up way too early tomorrow morning, thank you).

There's some chaos energy mixing in with the uplifting energy of this Moon. Step lightly, hydrate, and above all, get some rest. You can't pick your way through this chaos unless your body is rested. Things that you thought were solid might blow up in your face. Please take extra care of yourselves over the next few days.

And go out tomorrow night and notice the Moon, if only for a few moments. In the city or the country, she will be especially beautiful tomorrow.

Be well, my dears.

the Full Moon

2009-08-02T00:56:00.004-04:00

..is coming, and already I can feel the drums. There's a lunar eclipse on this one, following the massive solar eclipse of just a few weeks ago. Pay special attention to your relationships right now. Those that aren't based on mutual love and respect may shatter. It's in your long-term best interest that they do. There's no more time for superficialities; the people that we choose to be with have to be connected to us at our deepest level, share our inner values, to survive the rough ride that's coming. Dan Furst says to our relationships:

"What larger context do you serve? Do you think you will get to hold and heal only one heart for long when others around you are building community, and are finding their rhythm with the pulse of Mother Earth herself?"*

As we enter this space, ask yourself: what is my larger vision? Does my work (my art, my activity) serve the larger world? Do I create joy, or hold the space in my heart for joy to come? Do I help create community? What is my deepest, my best hope?

Allow yourself some quiet time, and let the answers bubble up. If the answers don't satisfy you, you'll know what to do. This is the time to walk away from what's not satisfying to your inner core. Or to recommit to whatever you're doing, using your breath and your passion to do the best job you know how.

Let the beautiful dark, and the deep Light, cleanse and inspire you.

*Copyright Dan Furst; http://www.hermes3.net/aug109.htm

quiet

2009-07-31T23:00:00.002-04:00

..DD is in her room. DH is upstairs, asleep. The bugs of summer are singing outside the window; a chorus. I may hear a frog, too. The loudest sound I hear is that of my fingers, tapping the keys.

I had a day alone today. My car was in the shop and I never got it back. It was a gift. Total solitude, nonproductive solitude. Nobody to answer to, take care of, think about. Just me. I need more time like that. I turned off the TV, didn't listen to music, and spent less time than usual online.

It was bliss.

the soul knows..........

2009-07-30T23:45:00.002-04:00

..who it knew Before. Those flashes of connection to someone you've never met before? A possible former friend/colleague/lover/overlord/sister/mother......

..what it really needs. Serenity is possible, even in chaos. Put in those earplugs on the bus, and follow your breath. Let your lungs fill with air. Right there at the bottom, in that tiny pause before you take another breathe, there's a touch of serenity.

...what feeds it. Look around you. Plants push through the cracks in the strangest places. The cloudscape opens your heart wide open.

...what adventures it has to have this time around. Who it needs to meet again, and who it will just wave to in passing. What tumult will cause it to grow. What itchy place will help it create this lifetime's pearl.

Listen. It's there, waiting to talk to you.

So I've stabbed myself in the thumb.....

2009-07-27T16:23:00.003-04:00

...twice, inadvertently, since last Thursday. Not only did it really hurt, but bloodflow was pronounced. I'd forgotten what a deep, vibrant red blood is.

It got me to wondering, what am I trying to tell myself? What's the thumb chakra about?

I went first to the Internet, which wasn't helpful. Not enough good information on finger chakras. I'll have to do more research.

It's the right thumb. The right side of the body is the giving-out side, the left the taking-in. So the left side is about my relationship to myself, and what I'm allowing in (inadvertently or not). The right is what I'm giving away.

Am I trying to give my blood away? Am I giving away too much? Or am I just really clumsy with my right hand at this point in time? (I'm right-handed.)

I need to dig into some of my library and see if I find something. So far, zip.

more throat chakra reflections

2009-07-26T13:55:00.002-04:00

from 2008:

The fifth, or throat chakra, is a vivid royal blue. It is the center of our ability to communicate with ourselves, with each other, and with Spirit; as well as the physical throat.

This is a great, pithy beginning. But what about throat chakra management? (Of course I'll post more about managing the energy through, and the energies of, the other major 6 body chakras: but today I'm particularly concerned with the sixth.)

What sits in your throat chakra? Does your throat get sore a lot? Are you hoarse? If so, are there truths you can't speak -- about yourself, about your situation? Do you communicate with Spirit (in whatever manifestation is most comfortable for you)? Try journalling to get at these issues; and, if you can, have those conversations that will free you up.

Hydration is key. Drink lots of water and soothing hot teas with honey. Cold is not as helpful but it's soothing in the summer. My throat loves heavily-iced drinks right now.

Breathing into the throat, with your mouth closed, is a way to explore it's dimensions.

Wrapping your throat in deep blue will feed the chakra. Silk is deeply healing (and also a good psychic insulator). Anything that feels comfortable to you is healing, really.

Turquoise is the preferred stone for throat chakra healing. Wearing it around your neck connects your throat to the energies of the rest of your body.

a post about David Cook

2009-07-25T18:39:00.004-04:00

Those who know me, know that I'm a fan of this man's work. Not an out-of-control, GPS-using fan, but one who enjoys his win on AI, his music (his music!), and the steadfast way he comports himself as he wends his way through the razor-strewn labyrinth of fame. He's adept with the press and kind to his fans. Cook seems to be working at being genuine and protecting his privacy at the same time; largely he succeeds, a very tough job.

Now his music, on first listen, seems to be garden-variety post-grunge indie, with good guitar work. The more one listens, the more gifts reveal themselves: the shifts in tone, the way he ends his songs (no cheats for him of a fade-out on fast-playing guitars), the depth of the imagery. (I don't know how to write about music. Gack.) The voice is adept at not only staying on pitch but reaching out to the listener, giving her the feeling that Cook is singing only for her. Add to this his beauty......And this is a person whose career I will continue to follow with interest, whose albums I'll buy. (Of course I bought the first one. Two versions.) I'll go to a concert when I can get tickets. My closest venue, in Alexandria, Virginia, sold out in some ridiculously short amount of time. Yes, I'm complaining! I do so want to see him live.

Go check him out for yourself. Rejoice, because someone genuine came through not just the AI meatgrinder but the long process of becoming a real musical artist. Good luck, young Cook; you'll use it well.

the eclipse has started

2009-07-21T20:58:00.002-04:00

..and I'm feeling excited, and also a tremendous heart-opening. The joy that I so treasure is here with me now. Things at work are so stressful! yet I can still feel this and revel in the movement of our Star and our Moon.

May you feel the joy, too.

more astro news

2009-07-20T22:21:00.003-04:00

with permission and delight, from Kelley Hunter's extraordinary work. This is not up on the website yet; it comes via (free) subscription. I've been telling you that this turn of the Moon is exceptional; being aware of this precious time as we are in it increases the possibility that you can take deep advantage.

As the orb of the Moon crosses and covers the orb of the Sun. it is as if the light of the Sun is taken into the body of the Moon and given rebirth. A potent conception takes place in the dark mystery. The Moon sheds old patterns that no longer serve our personal and collective growth. She says, "You don't need this anymore." You might not agree when you time reveals what "this" might be for you. But if you listen to your deepest feelings, you will be able to let go more easily. In the sunshine of your heart, don't you know we are emerging into a new day, like a butterfly from its cocoon? Aren't we all feeling the potential of some extraordinary shift?....

Prepare for another high-level cosmic download. Overwhelm is a word that represents what many are feeling these days. Neptune's participation in this trio heightens our sensitivity. If we don't take enough time to center and ground, anxiety and worry lower vitality and undermine our perceptive abilities and intuitive vision. We can only take one hour at a time. Though the days seem to be going quickly, just one hour can hold a huge surge of awareness. Some of the changes we experience are likely to be abrupt, disruptive and emotionally upsetting. Anger can be one reaction, inspiration and motivation another. If we are on our toes and in the flow, we can respond most appropriately for results that appear even magical. Such an eclipse offers a potent moment to unplug from negative pools of energy. Using the analogy of a new program being downloaded into a computer, this eclipse suggests that the download is complete and the restart button is pushed. Are you with the new program?....

The eclipse is like an exclamation point that inevitably points out how well our aetheric body is adjusting to the intensifying Earth changes. If we can take this "lights out" moment, we can realign and freshen. During this eclipse, whether you can see it or not, the Black Moon points at you and at me, requiring that we take a stand, stepping out of any external chaos and internal disorder that threatens our well-being, definitively severing any habit, contending with any person that inhibits or holds us back from following our true path. This is no moment to be sentimental. No, this is a critical juncture, to stand firm in the power of darkness and let it wash us clean and nourish us. This is not about our comfort level, but our soul's maturing. We each have our contribution to make as we create a new world together. I am We. How do we want it to be?

It feels like every hour is/can be a download of deep wisdom and knowledge. If this seems overwhelming, know that you don't have to be aware of the information as it comes in. Set the intention of saving this information as it comes in, and you can peruse it at your leisure.

Now breathe, my dears! and let your cells soak in the new knowledge and the beautiful possibilities.

Find Kelley Hunter at http://www.heliastar.com/

The upcoming week and the Moon cycle

2009-07-19T11:20:00.002-04:00

I'm a fan of Holiday Mathis' horoscopes: I think she's got her finger on the pulse (much of the time). I direct you to this link:

http://www.creators.com/lifestylefeatures/horoscopes/horoscopes.by.holiday.html

and ask you to note the information about the Moon cycle. Specifically:

"What do you want the next four weeks to be about, and what do you want to know by the end of the cycle?"

This is a good strategy for any Moon cycle, but this one in particular. Leo brings an extravagant, dramatic, and deeply passionate energy to this time. The total eclipse of the sun, combined with the new Moon on the same day, wipes clean our inner slates and allows for a fresh beginning. Take advantage of this time. Think deeply over the next two days about what you want and how you want to manifest it. Then use the energy of Leo, combined with the moon, and do it!

Welcome to new readers!

2009-07-17T07:55:00.003-04:00

I'm so glad you stopped by.

To get a better sense of who I am and what I do, go to the very beginning of this blog. There you'll find a bio and posts about my work.

In the coming weeks, I'll repost some of my best work for you to enjoy.

And remember, I'm never further away than email. heartpsychic8@aol.com is my email address, and I answer all questions.

Enjoy,

Duffi

Dying

2009-07-16T17:44:00.002-04:00

A friend -- and a very close friend of a dear friend of mine -- is dying. Her cancer has metastasized, and she's in hospice.

Please live your lives with passion and gusto. Take pleasure in what you have. One lesson here is just that: live your life. As a bumpersticker I once saw said: "Don't postpone joy."

hi there y'all

2009-07-15T21:45:00.002-04:00

My workplace is in the final throes of our biannual sale. The buying department, where I work, has been run off it's feet. So I feel like a piece of meat that's been pounded again and again against the counter. Not tender, but tenderized.

Nonetheless, a mite cheerful. Study is part of the plan, but right now it's work, eat, watch some TV, sleep, and up again. I know it won't be like this all the time (and I can go back to more part-time hours soon, which means more time for contemplation and attendant blogging) and it's really wearing.

with an almost-audible pop....

2009-07-06T22:12:00.003-04:00

..my energy came unstuck from one of it's (my?) foci, and there's been much more available to me this evening.

I went to Borders. I was looking for a new Tarot deck. I found two: an animal oracle, and a Psychic Tarot (not really a Tarot). And three other books. Spirit has me on a course of study. Divination (three kinds), Deep Magic (?!) and Shamanism. My internet friend Dan Furst has published his book, and it's a wonderful work of scholarship and joy: Dance of the Moon: Celebrating the Sacred Cycles of the Earth. And there it was! at Borders! Of course I bought that too.

Usually when I get home and start playing with my new toys, one or two reveal themselves to be.....not so great. Not this time..

So I am cheerful. I love being on a course of study. (Furst's bibliography runs to 11 pages. I'm ecstatic. All those references to chase down!). I've cleaned up some, done dishes, helped DD with some interpersonal stuff.

So what gives you joy? Is there something that excites you, just with the very thought of it?

so I said live.....

2009-07-05T22:46:00.002-04:00

and here I am.

The stone in my stomach is gone. A combination, I think, resonances from the past-life work; some intestinal difficulties; and a knotted-up diaphragm. I still feel a slight echo, like a stitch after running, on my left side.

I visited my friend in the hospital. He's sleeping a lot, thank goodness, and seems to be stabilizing.

This next full moon, Tuesday's, occurs during an eclipse. So the bright and dark energies are balanced, and it's a time to look at the balance of these in your own life.

I'm dreaming of interiors: new rooms, some large, some tiny. Following a figure who remains always just beyond the next door. Sometimes I see his footprint in the dust, or his back.

Yes, this is random. But better this than silence, eh?

heartpsychic is on hiatus...

2009-07-01T08:17:00.002-04:00

..probably until the end of the week. Sunday, maybe?

I'm doing research on supplementation for a primary cancer for a friend. And feeling mighty depressed; another friend is having a very difficult time with his mental illness, and I feel like I have a stone in my stomach. Unusual for me.

I have no encouraging words.

Be well, my dears, and I'll be back soon.

it's the end of the weekend

2009-06-28T23:28:00.002-04:00

And no, I don't wanna go to work tomorrow.

The class with Gloria Taylor Brown was cancelled but she offered individual sessions instead at no additional charge. So I took her up on it. I've had the two sessions with her, and I do have the ability to have a third if I feel the need.

If you feel that you're up for past-life work, this is the woman to go to. She's warm, she's emotionally available, and she's very very skilled. I felt comfortable and safe.

The work goes very very deep. Most of it will stay private for a good while, but I can tell you that I will be starting another blog soon (and keeping this one going as well). Only two people I currently know were present, but there were lots of animals. Irish Wolfhounds make me smile.

I feel like my entire head has been reset. The contents are familiar; there are some new objects, and most everything has been rearranged. It's mildly disorienting.

Be well, my dears.

taking a great class

2009-06-24T22:36:00.002-04:00

with Gloria Taylor Brown, on past lives. I spent many years not interested in my past lives; now, having met someone who I've known before (not that I haven't met folks I've known before before...OK, English is falling apart here!), I'm much more curious.

She's a good teacher and leads the journey well. I felt safe and comfortable.

It's also part of the continuing training. Just like a good teacher or a good actor, those of us who work in the psychic realms need to keep tuning our intruments. Learning new things, deepening existing understandings, exploring a different angle on an old truth: all part of the endless adventure, the continuing journey.

And so much fun.

a message from guidance

2009-06-23T00:06:00.002-04:00

For all of you performers out there, especially singers, protect your throats through the next few days. Hydrate, keep warm, and do deep breathing. There is a feeling that illness could land and constrict you. Also be careful with your words; and make room for speaking your truths. Be clear and be in your own truth.

This is the first time that guidance has asked me to get a message out. Hmm. Reflections tomorrow, I think.

girding my loins

2009-06-21T21:47:00.002-04:00

for the week ahead. And fighting the mother of all headaches -- which is getting a wee bit better, actually.

This moon is important, but I can't find words for it. Go outdoors, savor the feeling: summer is officially here, and the new moon is tomorrow. A powerful time for your outer work: growing, manifesting, changing your circumstances.

Be well, my dears.

not much to say

2009-06-18T21:23:00.001-04:00

a very bad day at work; it ended with me in tears, sobbing, in the car. The pressure is intense and we have very little space for too many people.

I have faith that it will get better.

under the sky-blue umbrella

2009-06-17T21:48:00.002-04:00

...today, at work, walking up from the warehouse: I am NOT my job.

I am so invested in doing what I do well, with precision, and trying to move things along, that I forget that I have many other sides; including this, the psychic self.

The psychic self needs to stretch, to play, to breathe deeply.

This blog helps immensely with that.

one of those nights...

2009-06-16T22:54:00.003-04:00

when I'm feeling sad and alone.

All of us are alone in our own skin. We feel connection through our skins, too, as well as with conversation, with music, with eyes meeting eyes.

I've got some major Stuff to deal with, old stuff from my past which comes up periodically. When it does, there's nothing for it but to deal. Feel the feelings, try not to stuff them down with the addictive stuff (food, internet), process as much as time and work permits.

The Universe is full of nonphysical friends for me (for all of us, really).

I still feel sad and alone.

Almost two weeks?!.....

2009-06-15T20:48:00.002-04:00

Um, hi.

Yeah, it's been a while. Work, and the end of DD's sophmore year of high school, has been all-consuming. A little release-work assignment from Them has eaten up what little time was left.

So now, back to our regularly scheduled program. I'm starting another 37-day commitment, starting today. Regular blogging, even if I'm talking to a room with just a few people in it, is good for me.

I'll have more to say of import (not to say export, ha ha) tomorrow. In the meantime, my toe has dipped back into this water and found it....warm enough for swimming.

energy

2009-06-03T20:50:00.002-04:00

It's been very intense at work over the past few days. Today was the worst yet; over on Twitter,* I called my workplace the Den of the Vicious Crazies. Though I may have overstated it just a tad, there was so much negativity and backbiting I was overwhelmed. I almost walked out several times.

It's my job to be there, though. I think all of us have what I call destiny points in our lives, places we're meant to be and activities we're meant to engage in. I have an obscure and strong sense that this place is where I am supposed to be. Just as I am (still) supposed to be in Washington, DC, a city I dearly love. Even though my heart belongs to central and northern California (and other places on the planet). This watershed is my assignment, for now.

*and yes, you can follow me on Twitter if you like; @duffimac. I'm pretty sporadic about tweeting; sometimes it's fun, sometimes it feels like a massive waste of time.

family, astrology, ecstasy

2009-06-01T22:13:00.005-04:00

A lovely evening with the fam: sauteed mixed yellow and red peppers with garlic and black olives over pasta, DD & DH doing math homework out on the patio, the 2/3 moon shining down; DD and I chatting in the semi-darkness, and seeing the first firefly of summer. June 1, 2009, ended really well.

Dan Furst, dear astrologer, has posted one of the best yet of his lyrical explorations of where we are and where we're going:

http://hermes3.net/june109.htm

He's moved, inspired by the Inspiring Notobject, from Hawaii, to Egypt, and now to Peru. A lovely man, with important things to say, and a lovely way of saying them.

And I'm feeling....blissful. I really feel that we've made it through a pretty tough passage: Mercury in retrograde was a bear for me and mine (especially at work). Something ugly's broken, and the waters of time are washing away the remnants. Only time's moving really fast: it's like a mountain stream. All the ugliness, falling to dust, and washing away, away.

more water

2009-05-28T23:05:00.002-04:00

We didn't get to Baltimore after all. Halfway down the highway, the storm that we were following got markedly worse. The turnoff to the next highway was deep in traffic. The weather report indicated that another storm was hovering over Baltimore. We turned around.

Through water, and clearing skies, we drove down beside the Potomac to Alexandria. Found great parking and walked down to the harbor. The whole family exhaled, and paused, and we stood at the wooden railing, gazing at the slips and the water.

Shimmering under cloudy skies, the Potomac made patterns, fractals, paralellograms. The white hulls drew long wavy lines on the darkness. It was so beautiful, and as DH said, ancient. The Potomac has been here long before humans came, and will be here after us. Soothing, and, yes, grounding. DD said she felt solidly in her body. I took a deep, deep breath of damp air, and agreed.

Dinner was crab, and oysters, and local beer, and local rootbeer.

The drive home was quiet. More rain.

Even if you can't get to the Bay, or the ocean, there's water: river water, stream water, lake water.

108 posts!

2009-05-26T23:19:00.002-04:00

As Buddhist followers of this blog know, 108 is a sacred number. Now if only I could remember why....

The turn of the Moon was helpful, but not enough. I've had a migraine and I'm still fighting the fershlugginer whatsits that has me coughing up a storm.

Something really good happened, though: the oracular voice has returned. I've seen myself in some fairly-certain future situations. I've also had some initimations that I should start opening this up again to others. I'll be studying, starting next week, a compendium of oracular shamanic teachings. I'm very excited to be doing that. It is my Work.

Be well, my dears.

A good long sleep

2009-05-23T17:23:00.003-04:00

..with fascinating dreams. An errand or two (including the Library, oh joy! the two books I had on hold had come in! Why do I have to do anything this weekend other than read?!). Quiet, but not enough.

Today feels like it's hanging fire. A between day. Not so bad, but communication with DH & DD sucks the big one. Scrapping, arguing: no fun at all.

Man, I can't wait until this Moon turns. My crown chakra is wide open and it feels like a large heaviness is passing through. Like a huge spacecraft that goes on forever; or a very low, dark cloud. A mountain is sitting on my head. No pain, but just really really dense and heavy.

this weekend

2009-05-22T20:02:00.002-04:00

....I'm going to a play, probably a movie, and maybe to Baltimore.

We're planning our summer, and we may go back to New York City, as well as the beach. I need both the city and the ocean this year.

Today wasn't so bad, at least for me. Though machines did still go spla, and there were short
tempers.

Nothing much, really, to report.

the energy now, and an apology

2009-05-21T23:49:00.002-04:00

Right now we're in the final stretches of Mercury retrograde, and this moon is winding down. New Moon is Sunday at 7:11am. Friday and Saturday may be really bumpy; restrain your tempers, if you can, and try to keep calm. Or pretend to be calm, and seethe alone. The darkness may seem overwhelming, especially on Saturday. You do know that the painful cliche about when it's always darkest has it's root in the truth: the light does return. Mercury goes direct on Sunday May 31st. The shadow period extending afterwards can be difficult, too.

Just a bundle of joy tonight, eh? I think it's better to be forewarned, so you can plan accordingly. Machines will still go spla when it's least convenient; plans will be screwed up; messages delayed or misplaced. It's just part of the cosmic flow. Ride these bumpy waves; deal with the nausea. Things will be better. They always, always are.

And I apologize for dropping out of sight. Sick Monday; sicker Tuesday (spent the day in bed, miserable). Still sick until just tonight. I'll be draggy for a few days, but I'll be fine.

Be well, my dears, and I'll be back tomorrow.

Sick, again

2009-05-17T10:55:00.002-04:00

..a bad cold. And I have to try to get some rest since next week promises to be another tough one.

Got stuff to do today. Just housework stuff. So I hope to be back to regular posting in a few days.

the nature of my work

2009-05-15T21:18:00.002-04:00

...is changing. Again.

I'll be studying a deep shamanic practice of Becoming the Oracle starting in late May or early June. It's my desire to bring through deep information that can be helpful to those around me, those who contact me, and those who read this blog. I'm already capable of doing this; what I expect from this study is a deepening, and a solidifying of my connection to the shamanic realm.

The medical intuition piece has fallen by the wayside. Although I still have the gift for cancer, it's more immediate and less about the shadow of possibility. At this moment, I'm not able to see or feel inside the body with the specificity that I used to have. I can still sense things about a person's general health, and what their challenges are.

Reading the future is starting to come through. But, unlike other psychics, I don't predict; rather, I can point to trends or possibilities. I think we all have destiny points, things that are pre-determined in our lives; I'm most interested in how we get from one to the other.

And yes, Chanel, I will be posting soon about Lance and Eddie. I promise.

Sorry I dropped the ball there, folks

2009-05-14T23:10:00.002-04:00

but I did make it to 37 posts.

Things are such a whirl right now I can hardly focus. No Deep Thoughts, or shallow ones, tonight; instead, a promise to myself: I'm continuing daily posting. It's good for me.

Be well, dear ones, and I'll see you tomorrow.

Dim

2009-05-12T22:55:00.002-04:00

..but not as dark. Steering by starlight, more like. Still a lot of darkness, but not as dense. Am I making sense?

And this is my 100th post. Continuing, putting one foot in front of the other. I keep moving.

Darkness

2009-05-11T21:30:00.002-04:00

It's awfully dark, here at the bottom of this hole. I trust in the light, and if I look up, there are stars up there. They seem far away, and dim.

I can preach about the light, and riding the waves, and suchlike. But it's hard for me now to have faith in these things, even though I know, somewhere in my soul, that these are only a series of dark moments. And I have so many fewer of them than I used to.

just briefly

2009-05-10T23:05:00.002-04:00

Star Trek movie is close to perfection. Best review, and most accurate, that I've read so far (and the most amusing) at washingtonpost.com.

I've got a knot in my personal/work life that I'm unknotting. Nothing I can really talk about.

So I bid you all goodnight; and hope that you sleep well, and awake refreshed, ready for the week.

today

2009-05-09T11:24:00.003-04:00

I'm cleaning, weeding, and visiting a friend in the hospital. Then back home, more weeding, and The Movie.

A somewhat domestic, somewhat normal day. Visiting people in the hospital seems to be what I do in this life.

Either I'll post again tonight, after the movie; or tomorrow.

Please, enjoy your lives right now. Things can turn on a dime. The rug can be pulled out from under you. (Insert your favorite metaphor for sudden change here.)

sending many hugs to you, my followers and my occasional readers. Be well.

Weekend!

2009-05-08T19:27:00.002-04:00

I'm seeing the Star Trek movie tomorrow!! I've been a fan for a long time. It was the fact that I was a serious ST fan that caused my then-friend Bob to take me seriously as a possible romantic prospect. (Married to Bob 18years, been together 20.) Our daughter is also a fan. I CAN'T WAIT.

So tonight no Pronouncements; no ocean metaphors; no Deep Thoughts. Just a wave from this happy fan, and a promise: I'm around, these days, more often than not.

Just not tomorrow night at 7pm. I expect to squeal.

:D

waves, etc.

2009-05-07T22:07:00.002-04:00

Turns out, the wave was a big one. My family's in the middle of one of those death-and-cancer storms so familiar to those of us in middle age. Blessedly, it's none of the immediate family. But the wave still feels overwhelming; a sudden metastasis of an undiscovered cancer is still awful. Sudden death in the backyard is still a gutpunch. Horrible, horrible.

So pray, my dears. See to your own back gardens. Cultivate your health and your soul; most especially, cultivate your relationships. Those that you love, and that love you, bring deep joy (even when they're aggravating, because they won't do what you tell them!). Let yourself be awake to where you really are. Cut your losses and move on, if that's what you want to do. Listen to your soul, your deepest self; your own individual truth lives right there, right in the center.

Though I do perceive that we live over and over, this present reality is

analogy as a descriptor of internal reality....

2009-05-06T22:29:00.002-04:00

I'm on my surfboard, it's evening, almost dark. No waves tonight. Then, damn, the ocean is moving. I'm bobbing up and down; it's getting really dark. And damn, that waves looks.......big.

that quote

2009-05-05T22:53:00.002-04:00

from Pema Chodron:

Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and they fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. *

Sit with this awhile. Notice the spaciousness that comes from just sitting with the idea that things come together, and fall apart, and come back together again. No end, just waves, in and out. Infinite waves, each unique, each a part of the pattern.

*from When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.

Miscellanea: procedure update, some Thoughts

2009-05-04T21:58:00.003-04:00

Procedure update: the email address at left is designed for you to start a private conversation with me on any of the topics raised here (or one of your own). It's also to set up appointments for readings. I'm available some evenings and Saturdays after 12noon EST (I like to sleep late). I check my email daily. If you want to start a public discussion, post a comment.

I've been looking for an hour for the exact quote from Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron about expansion and contraction, about how we're all right where we are. I can't find it. I'll keep looking and post it as soon as I can.

In the meantime: we are all brilliant and beautiful, right where we are. Our hearts are clear and full of light; tender to ourselves, tender to others. What we have to do to realize this is get out of our own way. Drop our stories, and allow ourselves to be right where we are. Beautiful, brilliant, and tender.

Tougher than it sounds, I know. But a valiant effort is worth a lot.

Consolation.....

2009-05-03T22:03:00.002-04:00

What is the name of that Pearl Jam song.....? DH is playing through Ten to find it for me..but it's not from Ten.*

There's consolation for you: in those early notes, very Hendrix yet respectful, not a slavish imitation but a tribute; and in the space that are between the notes, where you can breathe, and let the tears slip down. If you're in a happy or peaceful place, it supports you; if you need to cry, there it is, support for tears. Who cares about the lyrics, in this one? The beginning and the end are a frame; consolation, too, can create a frame for difficult emotions.

I don't want to make grand pronouncements about Art tonight, and the role it has in grief. (Though clearly those are coming, eh?) I just want to offer what consolation I can, in this ragged and difficult world, to those who are grieving. Loss never ends. Neither does joy.

Pema Chodron puts it well (I'll quote her tomorrow): things come together, and fall apart. That's the way it is. Waves go up and down. The tide comes in and out. An endless circle? No, more like a spiral....

Listen to the guitar. Listen to Vedder mumbling. Listen to the drums provide structure. Then the guitar, alone, again.

Listen to your breath.

*(The song is Yellow Ledbetter from Lost Dogs. Thanks to iTunes.)

Quiet...

2009-05-02T20:20:00.003-04:00

very, very quiet. Quite quiet (sorry).

I usually have something to say. Tonight, I gots nuthin'.

Reading in Buddhism again.......

be well, and I'll see you after my Early Morning Adventure tomorrow.

"Rachel Getting Married"

2009-05-01T22:47:00.003-04:00

Tonight DH and I watched Rachel Getting Married, a Jonathan Demme film, with Anne Hathaway in the lead role (not Rachel). Truly that rare thing, an artistic movie; about family, dysfunction, fear, with a wee drop of hope at the end. Full of music -- the last 20 minutes have few lines of dialog. And what music! Robyn Hitchcock, a Brasilian Carneval troop, a small band with guitar, violin, conga drum and mandolin (a gorgeous, melancholy sound), jazz, Sister Carol East doing reggae/dub/dancehall, oh man. Even a 15-year-old budding rock guitarist with his friend on drums, doing a Hendrix-inspired, slow Wedding March. The cast! Bill Irwin, Anna Deveare Smith, all sorts of folks with deep backstories. And Fab Five Freddie. I sigh happily.

If you haven't seen it, please do. Somewhat challenging, beautifully filmed, and full of music. I loved this movie.

We return you tomorrow to your regularly scheduled mystical musings.

Practicing what I preach

2009-04-30T22:23:00.002-04:00

I'm eating too much. And not celery, either.

I'm bumping up against some personal disappointment. No big deal in the larger scheme (I still have some perspective) but I'm upset and I don't want to feel these feelings.

How do I cope? See above.

Now's a good time for me to do what I tell others to do. Avoidance is so easy! at least, on the surface. If I keep doing this, however, the hole that I'm digging for myself will be much deeper when I finally get my face out of the food and look around me.

Time for deep breathing, hot showers, exercise, and some of the aforementioned celery. Lots of water and, perhaps, finally, some tears.

Pain

2009-04-29T22:25:00.003-04:00

Sometimes we think that physical pain is a good distraction from, or substitute for, emotional pain. If we hurt enough inside about something, maybe if we do something (a tattoo? a new piercing? 4-inch stilettos?) to ourselves, force ourselves, then the internal hurt will subside, or at least be masked, by the external, physical pain.

I'm here to tell you it doesn't work. Now, I know we're each on our own journeys, and I can't prevent you from making mistakes that you'll learn from. But the next time you think that those expensive shoes which pinch will make you less miserable, or that tattoo on a tender piece of skin will distract you from your grief, please take some deep breaths. Think about what you're doing. Let your future maturity speak to where you are now.

You don't have to. Feeling the feelings, though dreadful, is ultimately a quicker and fuller way back to balance and serenity than distraction.

I've distracted myself with bad relationships, food, reading junk (and other things). When I come up for air, the feelings that I was avoiding are still there. They wait.

What?!

2009-04-28T22:18:00.005-04:00

If you'd told me that today would be a Breakthrough Day, I would have laughed in your face. Ha! Because last night I ate way too much cheese, and this morning, no lie, I was hung over. From cheese. Lo, how the mighty have fallen. So I had a headache and I was somewhat spacey.

Then Boss Woman and I got to talking -- and there was suddenly so much energy in the room (the room that she's stuck in, windowless, where the servers are, so it's not only hot, it's noisy.) Information was just spilling out all over (maybe the servers?). It was coming through me, then her. Approaches to psychic information. A new perspective on a situation that has been plaguing me. What she and I are doing together (digging out the Augean stables). Just so much stuff!

I came home reeling. Did tiny chores and lay down to meditate/doze. Went upstairs to talk to Them/the Field/the notobject.* And more came through!

Time for me to make some choices. Decide what I want, how I want to work. Not a narrowing, but a deepening; down into the Marianas Trench. A shamanic practice, an etheric practice, and marrying them into the Duffi Work.

I do want to keep doing readings. The approach will be different, and I am not sure how yet. Prices are stable for a while since I will be experimenting around, seeing what works.

It's not that I'm preparing to be ready: sisters and brothers, I am ready. I can help you access what you need to access, perhaps now more than ever. It's that the process, for me, will be different.

The opening has to do with all this ocean imagery that I've been getting. It's my language to talk about the barely-effable.

Starting to babble. Going off to babble to myself.

I'm glad you're along for this adventure.

*for those who are unfamiliar with the notobject, I direct your attention to the post: Day 3...........the Field.

Heat and fog

2009-04-27T22:15:00.002-04:00

The weather is very wearing. Too hot for April, even late April. Makes me cranky.

Even though I knew that things are going very well, and that work is settling in where it belong, and that new structures are settling into place so that some dreams I have can manifest, and my beautiful tabby cat Pearl comes to lie next to me whenever I'm getting a healing or dozing/talking to Spirit (and I love that), somehow.....I'm unsettled tonight. Floating in lightly choppy waters. Fogged in (though not entirely). Vague.

So what I have to offer is that: the vague, choppy foggies. And the clear knowledge that it's temporary. That this, too, is part of the natural cycle: dark, foggy, light. Because in fog, there is light (just obscured).

You will be fine again.

Sunday night check-in

2009-04-26T23:00:00.003-04:00

Gotta be quick tonight; blasted Verizon Fios doesn't like the heat, either.

All my outdoor plans got upended, since I neglected to check the weather. I don't thrive outside in very warm temperatures. Where I grew up, even when it got very warm, the breezes still blew. So I was rarely subjected to heavy heat. Now someone tell me why I've been in the Washington DC area for 30 years, which has horrible summers?...... Yeah, me neither.

There's a settling-out that's taking place within me. Moving away from teachers and practices which don't suit me, and starting to settle in to what does. Gratitude to the Field for all the many options, here at the beginning of the next millennium. Starting, too, to settle on what I will be using in my next phase of healing and psychic work. If I were more specific, I'd be lying, since I haven't made any final decisions yet.

Nor did I finish my cards this week. Next week for sure. Have to be ready by Friday.

Gratitude for friendship, too; for the 37 days, not finished yet; for the rich dreams to be dreamed tonight.

It's a good Moon for me. How about for you?

Be well, my dears; remember you are loved.

no planting today

2009-04-25T22:09:00.002-04:00

The temperature reached 110F in the sun in the garden. Which is about 20 degrees above my comfort level. I did plan some, and plan to plan more.

Huge movement behind the scenes in my spiritual/psychic life. Hard to talk about. I'm learning to carry very large energies, and I realize that I have to be physically stronger to carry them well.

That's all she wrote tonight. :)

Night and longing

2009-04-24T21:48:00.003-04:00

..and I hunger again for the ocean. Until I started writing this series of posts, I had no idea that these images, these sensations, were so deeply embedded.

Now I see the stars above the ocean, off the home beach, very late at night. Before midnight. Shining, even a glimmer off the water. The endless wind is blowing, and the palm tree branches are all pointing towards the mountain range. Everything seems very far away. It's noisy and quiet at the same time.

I need to go see the Pacific. I have no idea how I'll make this happen: we're just not in a position to travel so far. And although all ocean is one ocean, the Atlantic is just not the same. Even the smell is different.

I throw this out, then, to the notobject, to the Field, to the great forces: I need to go home. Or at least to California, to walk on the beach and talk to Mama Pacific.

what do you need to hear tonight?

2009-04-23T20:58:00.003-04:00

Do you need to hear that it will get better? It will. Pain comes and goes; just ride the waves: don't focus on the pain. Think of yourself as a surfer: you're sitting on your board, and waves are moving up and down beneath you.

Do you need to hear about clarity? It will come again. You'll be doing what you do best, and you will be challenging yourself. The fog rolls in over the ocean; you think you're lost. But fog burns off (it always happens). And you'll look around yourself and you will see where you are.

Do you need to hear about solace? It will be here; it may already be right in front of you. Obscured by the fog and the rain, or by too much light off the water: you will see it, and reach for it.

Or it will touch you, gently, when you least expect it. Softly, easily. No pressure, but a sudden comfort.

Surrender to the ocean. Surrender to the movement of life through you. Surrender to each moment.

A bit confused tonight....

2009-04-22T22:39:00.003-04:00

..with the rains moving in and out (hail! yesterday and today! in April, Goddess help us), and strong winds blowing through, there is no solidity, no root going down deep into the earth. It's a time of deep movement, of realignment. The moon turns Friday, and we're going back up along the spiral, adjusting and adjusting, until we come to our next place of rest.

Ask yourself: am I where I want to be? or, if not quite, am I moving in the right direction? Am I surfing the flow, or am I swimming into the waves? Am I out of my depth? or does it feel right, what's down below me?

Think in terms of water. Think about the flow, and where it seems to be heading. Feel it through. Use all of your senses, as well as your internal compass. This turn is one of the most important of the year. You can adjust your direction; you can take that surfboard of yours over to another set of waves. You have choice; you have your will.

Be free in the waters, my dears.

My friend is right

2009-04-21T22:39:00.003-04:00

...we are all sea creatures. We can up from it, and our bodies are mostly water. I don't know the details, but our blood's saltiness is very similar to that of sea water.

I grew up on the ocean. My second childhood home was right on the beach. Some mornings the family would get up really early and go swimming. I remember as an older child going swimming during storms -- yes, young and dumb -- yet it was thrilling and delighful; the pattern of the waves was choppier than usual, and body-surfing was a different challenge. And it was water everywhere: water coming down, water underneath: a feeling of opening wings, and flying.

After a very rough morning..........

2009-04-20T23:52:00.002-04:00

I seem to have reached some stability tonight. Thank the nonobject.

Today I'm actually grateful for the stupid rain. I can feel how the plants are just absorbing the water. The lone tulip will blow open again tomorrow afternoon and be waiting for me when I come home.

Somehow tonight I feel like I'm in my solitary boat in the ocean, seeing the shore from a great distance. I'm not a sea creature -- I belong on land. I need to walk the streets of cities, and up the paths of woods. I can sit quite happily on the beach and wave to them out on boats. There's a sense of bobbing up and down, not comfortable, but obscurely something I need to learn. I'm out here for a reason (there's always a reason). Perhaps I need to learn to read the seaweed? or the waveforms? Or commune with the stars -- second-best place to see them, on the ocean at night: utter best, to me, is in the mountains. UP as high as possible.

Yes, now here is peace for me: the stars at night.

Starting to rain

2009-04-19T18:59:00.002-04:00

and I'm grieving, too. Little lost tears from nowhere.

DD and I did some garden work today, taking out dandelions with the magnificent Garden Claw. We're going to dry the roots and use them for tea. Since there's been no poison used ever in the garden (except on the patio for the weeds), these roots will be very nourishing come fall.

We've still planted nothing. I'm going to have to get my herbs from Whole Wallet, since there's no way I'll make it out to DeBaggio Herbs in deepest Virginia in time. I still want to get my tomato plants from them; so many kinds it's both dizzying and delightful.

I'm looking forward to a productive week at work. Finally managing my own line, Quantum Herbs. I love the products so it will be fun to get to know the line.

And this is the week I make my cards: psychic and healer cards. To distribute wherever. I need, for my ownself, to be out there more.

Do your breathing, my dears, and I'll be back tomorrow.

16 days! How cool!

2009-04-18T18:21:00.003-04:00

Thanks to the woman who suggested at her blog that we all post for 37 days.

Back when I started this blog, I was pretty insistent that we all spend time outside. (It was summer at the time.) Now, in the DC area, we are in deep Spring. And it's vivid outside: green of many shades, cardinals passing through, robins by the metric ton, dandelions everywhere.

We forget that we're mammals. We evolved to be in the natural world. A lot of us go from car, to work, to car, to home, and barely feel the outdoor temperature. It is really important for our health -- physical, emotional, spiritual -- to spend time outdoors. Even those of us who are pressed for time can stand at the door of the car and breathe for a few minutes. Better still is a walk through a natural setting. Bloomingwriter (bloomingwriter.blogspot.com) has a post dated 16 April 2009. about Pine Grove in Nova Scotia which if anything else should convince you. Our oldest cathedrals are outdoors: think of Yosemite in the United States, a holy place if there was ever one. The Great Plains speak to our savannah heritage. My all-time favorite, still, even after Yosemite, is Rocky Mountain National Park, a few hours north of Denver.

Yes, this post is all over the place. But everywhere we travel, whether the Chesapeake Watershed or Northern California, there is holy space for us mammals to experience.

Go outdoors and breathe. Please. You'll be much better for it.

Throbbing headache..

2009-04-17T20:42:00.002-04:00

..and a major Mood. A blend of cranky, depressed, angry, and grieving. So not fun. So tonight, alas, This is It.

I just can't put myself aside long enough to reflect on anything --- even myself.

So, tomorrow, eh?

Be well, my dears.

Not grief, not tonight

2009-04-16T23:42:00.002-04:00

...I feel too good. Encouraged, really. When I'm talking about the aesthetics of anything -- TV especially these days; comparing Battlestar Galactica to Heroes, for example -- I am happily, deeply engaged. The conversation can segue into other topics, but I'm (re)discovering that this is another core piece for me: the visual.

So it's spirituality, visual arts, and music. And food. And nature. That seems to be enough to keep one woman occupied for her life, wouldn't you think?

What a nice braid.

Nope, no preaching nor advice tonight: rather self-discovery, self-affirmation. This is who I am.

And all will be well, and all manner of things will be well......

Grief

2009-04-15T23:15:00.002-04:00

I've been dipping in and out of grief lately: unexplained, for no (apparent) reason, deep. It's a pressure behind my eyes, a heaviness in my tearducts, a compression in my lungs. I'd like to cry, but at most I can well up. Rarely does a tear slip out onto my face.

It's complicated, since much of it isn't mine, or directly related to me. It's not the black dog, either: that's a separate state. A heaviness: so much death and suffering around me. Not a battlefield, but a hospital. And there's nothing, nothing I can do to help directly: except, perhaps, suffer alongside. Take some of the heaviness: lift it up. I can carry a lot. I do think it's part of my job, my assignment, in this lifetime: to carry some of this for other people (not everyone, not all the time, or I would be a pancake rather than a person).

I'm not in this feeling all my day: I'm a fairly merry person at work. But the wave comes up; and really my best option is to feel it, and let it go. Release it, when I can. Know that this is helpful, to someone somewhere, so I'm useful.

More tomorrow, from a different perspective: what is this? and what do we do with it?

the power of nourishment

2009-04-14T22:27:00.003-04:00

Another important lesson for me. Today I spoke to a woman, significantly older than I am, who was vibrant and so alive. Her teaching? The morning green drink. After work (don't ask, but thanks for the thought), I went to the organic market to pick up vegetables. Tonight, I cooked a Thai vegetable dish -- oh, mushrooms, bok choy!, lime juice, coconut milk, garlic!, the endless pleasure -- and devoured two servings. Now, I feel great. My circumstances haven't changed one jot. But my body is happy, since it was properly fed.

Proper feeding. What is that for you? What food makes you happy after you've eaten it? What really gives your body what it needs? For me, sometimes it's a big piece of dead animal -- I love a rare steak like nothing else. I'm also learning the vegetable teaching: lots of them make me happy, too.

depression...........

2009-04-13T22:33:00.001-04:00

....can be just a lack of food. At least for me. Had a horrible day at work. Came home dragging and slept for a while. Finally, after dinner...........I perked up. Hadn't eaten all day.

Not very inspiring, I know, but it's what I've got tonight.

Regularity

2009-04-12T23:35:00.002-04:00

...seems to be a key to the visioning process. Someone wrote, "Be regular in your life that you may be wild and uncompromising in your art" or something like that. (Turgenev?) I'm finding that a regular job, with hours and duties having nothing to do with my mystical life, seems to provide a basis for the visions. Now, to add regular exercise and regular food.

The more stable I become, the easier it is to allow the top of my head to open and new information to pour in. Or just let the top off, and suddenly I'm out there, amongst the stars, in the river of truth and joy.

Or something. Still figuring it out.

a very late start.....

2009-04-11T23:56:00.002-04:00

...to whichever day it is.

There is a beautiful wind of energy blowing through the mid-Atlantic right now. I hope it's blowing through your world, too. Open, clear, pure, this wind blows the cobwebs and the worries out of your heart, leaving only an expansive feeling behind it. You're drifting, quiet and serene, along with this energy. Your heart will stay expanded for a few days, and there's be a continuing sense of expansion.

Be well, my dears.

Only my commitment......

2009-04-10T23:08:00.002-04:00

....to 37 days brings me to the keyboard tonight. My sciatic nerve is on my right leg is talking to me. A long day spent too much at the desk. (Oh, German sentence construction, I hardly knew ye.) Nonetheless, wave upon wave of joy during the day. Did some heavy space clearing at the beginning of my work day and I was grinning. One of my etheric clients needed a session, and those are full of love. Full moon lasts for three days, and tonight is the third.

Daughter is "making a complete mess" (her words) so I need to clean it up. Be well, get some rest, hydrate: you know the drill.

Tomorrow, I will be coherent.

PS. Sorry about the postus previa earlier. And for my lousy Latin.

After a very social evening...........

2009-04-09T20:43:00.002-04:00

Passover was great, thanks for asking. Lots of laughing, people doing shtick, drinking deep of the red wine. I don't think I'm particularly social, and I love a good meal with fun, intelligent people.

Sometimes I get antisocial. I just want to hunker down and be left alone, dammit. Some of it is healthy: the desire of this organism to be out of the social group, re-discovering who I am in relation to the notobject and to myself. Other times, it's an attempt to not feel or think about things.

If you're feeling antisocial, try to figure out why. Look out the window, take a few deep breaths, and let the feelings come up. If they feel too uncomfortable, please know: it really is better for you to feel those feelings, let them flow through you, than to push them down. It's a lesson I'd love for you to learn by trying it out now, than to go through the suffering of discovering this through hard experience.

I have a dear friend whose primary mode is the mind. ("Feelings, Spock?") But lightning sheets of feeling go through him, too, and I believe that he feels them and lets them go. No matter what your primary mode is -- feeling, thinking, sensing, perceiving (go re-read your Jung) -- you can feel your way out of an anti-social period.

And sometimes, of course, an antisocial period is the psyche's way of protecting you against the depridations of the world. That's another subject..........

Happy Passover!

2009-04-08T12:27:00.002-04:00

In honor of this family, which DH and DD celebrate (I come along for the ride and the CHOCOLATE COVERED MATZOH for dessert -- oh *sigh*), there will be only these few words from me today.

Eat, celebrate freedom, sing. Get plastered on good red wine. Enjoy!!

love, Duffi

Day 5...the Empowering Haircut

2009-04-07T22:34:00.003-04:00

What, hair? Oh, yes. For David Cook fans, there is The Haircut Heard 'Round the World. Changed his life, that's for sure. Remember, all you older readers, when Jon Bon Jovi cut his hair? We felt betrayed! But now, eh, guy looks good.

For women, the issue is more complicated. Will "he" (or "she") like my hair? Too long? Too short? Too butch? Too femme? Aw, hell, I'll just shave it. Simpler anyway. For me, a shaved head would put me right in the monastic caste, and no thank you ma'am, been there, done that. Or tried to.

So, DH loved my hair long. So long past reason, I kept it that way. Until one day a few weeks ago, I was just sick of it. Looked terrible, half grey, half bottle blonde. (All honor to bottle blondes of all sexes and descriptions. Blonde is my favorite me.) So I wandered into an Aveda and found myself in the hands of a genius: Robin, who's family, to whom I revealed some secrets I hadn't spoken in years, and who, when she saw I wasn't happy with what she'd done -- a reverse bob, short in the back and long in front, had that one before, a good if dull cut -- became very very quiet, and...kept cutting. And cutting.......

Now it's very short in the back and I have bangs. Lots of texture everywhere. My hair, always fine and thin, feels thick and full. This haircut makes me feel tall and thin. Powerful. Attractive. And if I fix it up differently, I can go from Chevy Chase matron, to ... motorcycle darlin'. A fierce haircut for a fierce time of life. I totally, totally love it.

As does DH. So it worked out. Change can be very, very good.

Resting in the Field

2009-04-06T21:25:00.002-04:00

A small meditation:

Rest on your back on a comfortable surface. Let your knees and neck be well supported; your legs uncrossed, your arms resting comfortable at your sides. Close your eyes and begin to breathe, slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Let your breath find it's own rhythm.

When you feel ready, imagine that the bed underneath you is moving, very subtly and gently, in a slow wave-like motion, from your head to your feet. Find the slow rhythm in this movement, and rest there. Continue to breathe. Allow your muscles and your bones to sink into this slow, subtle, gentle movement.

If you like, you can fall asleep. If not, when you feel complete -- and this can take as long as you like -- allow the movement to die down and the bed to feel stable again. Pull your arms in towards your torso. Wiggle your toes and your fingers. Slowly, slowly open your eyes.

When you decide to sit up, roll over onto your side first, and rest there for a moment; then sit up, using your arms -- not your back -- to move you to an upright position.

Day 3.............The Field;

2009-04-05T19:56:00.002-04:00

the Force; God/dess; Atman; Allah. Whatever.

I perceive a dynamic, ever-shifting, multidimensional notobject that both surrounds us and is us. The ocean is the closest physical manifestation I can see: always moving, always changing, restless, peaceful sometimes, vast to our tiny human eyes, and always inarguably itself.

This is what I love: that notobject. It's compassionate, it knows I need personality: so I get guides, angels, Large Beings, animals, even fields of stars. I feel unutterably, immensely safe when I am aware of It/Them. Not the kind of denial-fueled safe that whispers in my ear that nothing "bad" will ever happen to me; but the kind of safe that's rhythmic, nuanced: I can handle what happens -- death, divorce, the ripping-apart of the environment -- because I'm in touch with the deepest, highest, most Elemental of elemental forces.

Music is better for this than language. I don't make music, I have words. So I cast Indra's Net into the ocean of English, and bring up a few sparkling fish.

May these fish feed you, too.